


You're the best mistake I've ever made (I still love you and I don't want to)

by orphan_account



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Gen, High School, Near Death Experiences, POV First Person, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-19 03:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20650442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ava tells the story of her relationship with Sara from when she was in a dark place and pulled back by Sara to the twisting road of their friendship. Love is something that can be considered confusing and for the two of them it certainly was. Nora, Ava’s best friend, helped the both of them through each of their own battles. An unexpected first meeting, a pressuring family dinner, months of emotion and an unbalanced close to the relationship; much has happened and Ava looks back at all of it with overflowing feelings and memories.





	1. If I go alone, I'm not gon' make it very far

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write it in a first person’s point of view (Ava's POV) due to the fact that it was a personal experience and it felt more comfortable making it that way. I’ve never been confident enough to finish and post something I wrote; now that I built up the courage to do this, I really do hope that you like it. Also, it includes a few very emotional scenes and it could trigger some and I advise you skip through them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is struggling and tries to reach out into the void. Sara is able to help her through and they begin their journey together as friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter is really short, but it plays a role in the story so I kept it; I hope you like it. (chapter title is from fake smile by ariana grande)

It’s New Year’s Eve and the clock strikes twelve; I can hear people laughing, talking and enjoying not far away from me silently crying within the walls of my room. I hadn’t been sleeping for weeks, stressed out beyond my limit and living in a house that no longer felt like home. I believed that no one cared anymore whether or not I even woke up the following day. My heart had been broken for years and it felt as if every second the broken pieces were being trampled and crushed. My mind was telling me that all the time I spend breathing on this land are just worthless seconds. All I had then was a cold metal blade grazing the scars on my arms, and a note I was certain no one would read. I could feel the freezing breeze of emotionless words passing by the corners of my mind, every image of suffering hung up on the walls of my imagination and all the light being drawn out of me. Soft music playing in the background to drown out the sounds of joy outside, every word of the song felt like arrows shooting through the pieces of my broken heart. I missed the days so simple, back then when I had not much to worry about. Everything I felt was as blurry as they were clear, directionless and eager to end it all I was certain I was ready to leave the face of the earth.

Within my soul, I knew what I was about to do was reckless, but my emotions were getting ahead of me by then. My hand struck the blade across my wrist and I watched the blood slowly drip on the ground like the tears that did before them. Clinging on to the nothing left of me; I went to my safe place, the digital world through the window that is my phone, and began to search for answers. I sent out a not so cryptic message out in hope that I could pull myself back. I had no expectations anymore knowing no one would even be awake to even notice. Suddenly a small light flashed upon the top of my screen breaking the pitch-black darkness I could see and feel were the words

> “Are you okay? I’m here for you, talk to me Ava.” from Sara.

She was constantly asking if I was still there, telling me everything would be sorted out, making sure I knew she was there; we talked for hours until the sun was up. Those messages forever engraved in my heart, reading them felt as if she were right there next to me. I did not even expect to see the light of day again, yet there I was standing, staring out the window unsure of what’s to come next.

I’ve been living my life everyday knowing that it could’ve all ended back then if Sara had not been there. I would pretend as if nothing was wrong, I was going to school, putting on an act for all to see; laughter and smiles that were covering up the heartbreak and tears behind them. Keeping up this appearance was exhausting and painful, I didn’t want people knowing my pain. I thought that closing off myself from everyone was what I needed, but Sara made me see that I was wrong.

* * *

I needed someone to talk to one night and Sara had just lost her sister so I turned to the one person I could trust with this, Nora, she then opened up to me about something as well. We had both been dealing with things kept from each other and now that we were able to talk about it the world felt just a little lighter. What I thought would drive her away just brought us even closer than ever before. With them I could just be what I truly was; a lesbian living in a homophobic house, someone good enough but not the best, a broken heart walking among two halves of a whole, an empty soul praying among those who’ve found their purpose, someone lost in a maze that looks like a straight road to the rest. Music played a large role in our relationship, it was what let me express what I truly felt about everything, it became a passion for Nora, it even brought me and Sara some of our best memories. Nights spent in each of our rooms with a shuffling playlist channeling our emotions word by word.

Months of my life were spent that way, and I truly wish they hadn’t been. Those months were one of the lowest points in my life, yet hardly anyone even knew about it. To the world I was still Ava the organized officer, Ava the smart student, it was Ava this and Ava that; all of which were false. My life was crumbling and falling apart, I wasn’t organized; I was constantly making wrong and stupid choices, I wasn’t smart. I covered up my pain and dealt with it in the unhealthiest ways and I regret that; I was using humor, staying up late, shutting everyone off and many other things out of character for me. The fact that no one, not a single person cared enough to question what was happening to me just drove me further to continue this show.

The three of us were dealing with unimaginable amounts of pain at the time and we went through it together. I had everything in my life becoming a problem, Sara recently lost her sister and Nora had family issues to deal with. Amidst everything happening there was this one night that seemed to be an ordinary night like the rest, became extraordinary. I was alone at home for eighteen hours every day for a week and Sara had been left home alone. After a while of talking it over she decided that we meet. After a while of packing a small bag for the week I went to her house where I saw both her and Nora. The almost two-hour long walk was worth it for me just to talk to them in person. After making sure I was alright we sat down on her bedroom floor. She talked about having a surprise and I thought it was just Nora being there, but there was more to the story. She had prepared a trip for the three of us to get away from everything. Astounded I stood there as she rambled on about how it could help us.


	2. tryna get a hold of my emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava meets Sara in person for the first time and they're now going on a trip together with Nora. From the road trip to the walks on the beach shore, Ava loves every moment and wishes she could be transported back to those moments. All she has left of that week is this one photograph, her memories and the music forever embedded in her heart. (chapter title is from needy by ariana grande)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for not updating this on time; I've been busy. I just finished this and I hope you enjoy reading it. Writer's block has been hitting quite hard recently so this definitely isn't the best thing I've written; I'll keep editing it with time to improve it, but for now this is this. Feel free to comment anything down below.

We left for the road at around four in the morning and it really was one of the greatest things I could’ve experienced. The only thing I would’ve changed is us not taking pictures to capture those moments, but we were too afraid to get caught with photographs as proof. The trip there was captivating, it was a long drive with the best people I could’ve spent it with as we spent hours together with nothing hindering us from being who we truly were. I was happy for once, all the despair in my past felt as if they were gone. The weather outside was a soft rain with fog as we passed by mountains covered in towering trees and the rivers flowing alongside them. Every few hours we would stop over at coffee shops, fast food stops and a few shops where we would pick up snacks and take a break from the car ride. It’s one of those moments that looked like it was pulled out of a movie. Three friends, one car, a playlist of music and stories on a five-hour journey to an unfamiliar destination; it was magical in every single way possible.

* * *

We arrived at the destination about five hours later with just enough time to settle and go to lunch. The day was spent exploring the place. They had historical vintage houses as the exterior of guest rooms, brick and stone pathways, grass that covered most of the ground, trees and lampposts, horse-drawn calashes bringing people to their destination and a beautiful sea with glowing sand only a few minutes from the room.

Later that day we ended up back at the room watching movies. It was the first movie night of the many to come. We were sitting on a queen-sized bed sharing this big blue comforter, holding close a few pillows and stuffed animals as we ate popcorn and cookies; we then selected a movie to watch. We ended up watching a few movies until Sara fell asleep on my lap. I looked beside her and Nora was fast asleep as well. Instead of moving, I decided to stay there so as not to disrupt her sleeping; she looked so sweet and innocent laying there. I adjusted the both of us to a more comfortable position and turned off the tv. “Good night” I whispered as I slowly closed my eyes.

Nora woke up first the next day, she was already sitting on her phone dressed and ready for breakfast as me and Sara were still half-asleep on the bed. I let her get ready first and as she went to the shower Nora began to talk about us.

> “Do you like her?” Nora said.

I was startled, I hadn’t even had my coffee and she was already throwing that question at me. My feelings for Sara were all confusing, so I answered with “as a friend”. She very clearly did not believe my answer and made sure I knew. After twenty minutes of Nora questioning me as I denied everything, Sara came out of the shower in a white robe with light pink flowers. Sara has always been beautiful to me, but that moment was different. She had no makeup; she wasn’t wearing a fancy outfit and her hair wasn’t styled. It was just her smiling and telling me to get ready. I stood up and walked into the bathroom as she sat down with Nora. Showers for me are a great place to think, its private and the water is very calming. An assortment of thoughts was circulating in my mind, from the slightest of what was I going to eat later to the more complicated, my feelings for Sara.

After a while I dried myself off and went back outside to see Sara all dressed up, she was in a white crop top, denim blue shorts, and a dark green cap to match her shoes. Her hair was in beautiful beach curls, she had on a small amount of makeup just enough to make her look more gorgeous without making her unrecognizable and she looked just- stunning. I stopped for a few seconds just staring at her, I tried my best to be subtle but according to Nora I really wasn’t. Sara looked at me holding up an outfit and telling me to put it on, it was her asking; how could I decline. I said yes and changed into it.

Arriving at this big stone structure we were directed inside; the inside was beautiful, it looked like a ballroom. All I could imagine was the two of us alone in the room dancing and singing our hearts out to whatever song was playing. While my imagination was running wild, Sara told us to wait for her to find us a table. Nora and I stood there as she brought back up the conversation about what I feel for Sara. “I see the way you look at her, are you sure it’s all just friends?” she asked me. I was so unsure of everything all I could do was nod my head, yes. Sara called out for us and we all sat down, the food arrived as we spoke. Our plans for the rest of the day was to go swimming and if we had time, we would visit the nearby art gallery since we both had a fascination for it. Art wasn’t the only thing that drew me to the gallery, but the stories behind them; I always felt at home with other people’s stories and expressions through different forms and art was one of my favorites. Sara was eager to go because her deceased sister used to be one of the greatest artists in the area, seeing other people make beautiful creations would remind her of all the paintings, sculptures and drawings around the interior of her house.

After we finished eating, we headed back to the room to get our things and change clothes. On our walk back Sara tripped over a rail, she insisted that she was fine but I knew she wasn’t.

> “Ava, it’s alright. It’s just a small scratch, nothing much.” she said.
> 
> “Sara, I can tell it’s not; take it slowly and maybe we skip on the day’s activities first.” I lightly objected.
> 
> “How about we compromise by staying in the room for a few hours and go back out later today once you’re rested?” Nora asked, interrupting us both.
> 
> “Sure” Sara and I answered.

Before getting back up and moving she first took her phone out and began to play music. She then smiled and said “it’s going to be a longer walk so why not we have some fun?”. One of our favorite songs came on and she couldn’t help but dance even a little considering her injury. She truly is one of the strongest people I know both inside and out.

* * *

The plan to rest then go back out panned out nicely and I had Nora to thank for it. A few hours around lunch were spent swimming where I learned Sara is apparently really good at it. Less than an hour in the water and Sara was already moving to a deeper end of the sea, Nora and I followed. Not long after, I saw Nora gasping for air as the waves kept pulling her further and further away. I tried to help, but to my demise I just couldn’t reach her. My failed attempts had Sara trying her best to get Nora back. Watching Nora almost drown had to be one of the most terrifying moments of our lives, we got lucky that Sara was there and she was able to carry the both of them back to the shore. Nora being herself shook off what had just happened as is it was simply nothing. Exhausted, the three of us changed into proper attires and looked for someone who could take us to the gallery. Looking for a ride we crossed paths with one of my friends, Felicity, she was a fellow officer back at school and one of the best if I may say. She had been my friend for eight years and one of the smartest people I know, exceptionally talented and stunning. She asked us what we were doing there as Nora and Sara exchanged looks not knowing what they were supposed to say. I told them it was fine and I explained the situation. She offered us a ride to the gallery which we accepted and invited her to come with us as well.

The chauffeur was happy to help us out and dropped us off at the gate. I had been forced by my family and society to take courses in engineering to better my future even though I did not want to, but with my knowledge I couldn’t help but appreciate the design of the building. It was simple yet elegant much like the pieces we discovered inside. The first floor was peppered with different statures and sculptures. One of the figures that my attention drew near to was this glass figure that from one side looks like a smiling woman and from the back looks like she’s crying; I could feel what it felt. That captured almost exactly what the past few months of my life had been like. Sara on the other hand was intrigued by this abstract metal piece of art. It was colorful yet dull, it was abstract yet simple, it reminded her of Laurel. She missed her sister endlessly but always shut off the topic. Felicity wanted to get to know Sara better and so they spent quite some time together. As I watched the two of them talk and roam around the place Nora would tease that I was jealous.

I myself wasn’t sure if jealousy was the right term, but it did feel wrong. I love them both, but as friends and nothing more; or at least that was what I told myself. Sara seemed to flirt with Felicity and I didn’t know how to feel about it. All I ever want is for them to be happy, I couldn’t live with myself if I was the cause of her not to be. I just kept quiet and hoped that it wasn’t what I thought it was. Sara was constantly leaning towards Felicity and listening to her talk geek which I know Sara isn’t that interested in. Felicity would complement Sara and even got her to open up about Laurel. Nora and I stayed together as she tried to convince me to make a move. This went on for a few hours until we passed all four floors of the building and finally left to get back to where we were staying. On the car ride back, I found out that Sara had requested we switch to a bigger room to accommodate Felicity. I was glad she was staying because after all she still is one of my closest friends. After dinner we took a short stroll at night and it was a beautiful view. The shimmering waters reflecting the moon and the stars above, hearing the voices of those dearest to me and we were all together, happy in what felt like an eternity of nothing but pain.

* * *

After a while of walking we went back to the room to transfer our things to our new one. Walking into the new room was like looking at animation coming alive, it was majestic and decorated so intricately. It looked like a castle from one of the animated movies I used to watch as a kid. The new one had two floors and we decided who was going to stay where with a short game of spin the bottle. All of our things cast to the side as we sat down on this enormous carpet with a wine bottle in the middle of the four of us. I watched it spin and land on me and that meant I was staying upstairs. Sara then jokingly suggested that we did something similar to seven minutes in heaven and since I was already picked first, I had no idea what to do next. I spun it again not knowing who I wanted to be with, from fast to slow until it came to a stop pointing in between Sara and Felicity. Sara stood up and pulled me into this walk-in closet nearby. We stayed there as Felicity noted that Nora had started the timer.

It was dimly lit and the one shining light was directed towards her face. I could see every detail clearly; her lovely eyes, the small freckles beneath them and her cute smile. Heaven was right, it really did feel out of this world and beyond. She started talking and I tried my best to comprehend those words without being too distracted. We fell down a conversation until we noticed that we only had less than a minute left. I felt her arms slowly wrapped around me as I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I love you” she said and I said it back; I knew we were still nothing more than friends but I wished we could be more. Stepping outside Nora gave me a look which I knew meant that we would discuss that later. For the second round it was Nora and Felicity in the closet. Since I wasn’t there, I can’t exactly tell what happened. Nora described it as getting to know Felicity better and a fun experience. Felicity said it was great and she learned more about Nora too. I didn’t want to pry, so I told Sara that we better start bringing our things upstairs.

After moving upstairs and getting ourselves ready for bed Sara and I sat on our beds on opposite sides of the room. The spaces felt too far apart, so we pushed both beds towards one side of the room. The beds were now connected and we lay down there tired and holding a couple pillows close joking about what an adventure this trip had been so far. I turned off the lights to discover that the ceiling was decorated with stars that glow in the dark. It was as if we were both outside staring up at the starry night sky. I said good night and faced the wall as I tried to sleep. I felt her tug on my shirt, I turned around and she moved closer. She hugged me and said good night too. We both fell asleep in each other’s embrace and woke up that way the next day too. There's nothing better to wake up to than her smile and her soft cuddle as we slept. What was supposed to be just a break from life had become something that felt as if it were another life. It was our last day there and I knew there was so much more to happen.

The next day arises, what’s up this morning I thought to myself before opening my eyes. Our last and final day of escape from life’s harsh reality was coming to an end. I carefully moved around trying not to wake Sara. She looked so calm and happy; although everything in the world seemed dark and confusing, she was the one constant light in all of it. In an attempt not to wake her I kept quiet until her phone started to ring. I didn’t know whether or not I should’ve answered the call or woken her up, but I chose to answer it instead. “Good morning, Sara” the voice said. The person speaking had a deep voice and seemed to have a concerned tone. He introduced himself as Oliver, but I still didn’t know who he was or why he was calling her at this hour. I explained the basics of our situation to him and requested he call back later that same day so as not to wake her up. He agreed and I left the room to get ready.

Long-distance boyfriend? Brother? Friend? Who was he? I kept thinking to myself.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try my best to keep updating this and I made a playlist for it too:)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2sJF9Sn7LCUr4m6Braylze?si=JYj-S2zXRzy9zeuJt0bfcg


End file.
